Hi all – I’m baaaack 🙂

As you may have read, I started this blog after completing one full year of marriage.  As I embarked on year two of martial bliss, I found that this year has been remarkably less ‘strenuous’ compared to year one of marriage.  Year one, in my humble opinion seemed to be the year where the concept of becoming “one flesh” is actually realized, physically. It moved from being a concept you have heard about in church, into a real tangible process.

The whole process of becoming “one flesh” is a painful one.  I mean think about it – two individual people turning into ONE flesh….exactly HOW is that supposed to occur without it being painful?

In case you’re not familiar with what I’m referencing – The term “one flesh” comes from the Genesis account of the creation of Eve. Genesis 2:21-24 describes the process by which God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam’s side as he slept. Adam recognized that Eve was part of him—they were in fact “one flesh.” The term “one flesh” means that just as our bodies are one whole entity and cannot be divided into pieces and still be a whole, so God intended it to be with the marriage relationship. There are no longer two entities (two individuals), but now there is one entity (a married couple).( http://www.gotquestions.org/one-flesh-marriage.html)

Eek! That is some serious stuff. Oh but wait, the article I referenced above goes further and explains: Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way, the couple is to become one. Even as one part of the body cares for the other body parts (the stomach digests food for the body, the brain directs the body for the good of the whole, the hands work for the sake of the body, etc.), so each partner in the marriage is to care for the other.

This makes so much sense as to why year one me and my hubby were like, what the heck is this marriage thing???  I mean in theory, it sounds lovely, even romantic to become one flesh.  But in practice, taking two people, with different backgrounds, their own various baggage from previous relationships and each person’s ‘ideal’ of what marriage is, combined with the fact that you’ve been living life as an INDIVIDUAL for 20 or 30 (or more) plus years…there is nothing cute, lovely or romantic about making that all “work” as one.

So why am I writing this blog? To let you know how hard it was for me and my husband to become one?? Well…yes, kinda.  I want to tell you what I felt no one told me, candidly.  It is hard.  It takes work, compromise and it will even be a little painful.  I believe that’s how God intended it, in some form or fashion. I can’t say it any better than this:

This oneness and desire to benefit each other is not automatic, especially after mankind’s fall into sin. The man, in Genesis 2:24 (KJV), is told to “cleave” to his wife. This word has two ideas behind it. One is to be “glued” to his wife, a picture of how tight the marriage bond is to be. The other aspect is to “pursue hard after” the wife. This “pursuing hard after” is to go beyond the courtship leading to marriage, and is to continue throughout the marriage. The fleshly tendency is to “do what feels good to me” rather than to consider what will benefit the spouse. And this self-centeredness is the rut that marriages commonly fall into once the “honeymoon is over.” Instead of each spouse dwelling upon how his or her own needs are not being met, he or she is to remain focused on meeting the needs of the spouse.

It unnatural for our flesh to want to cooperate with the mandate God places on marriage. So you have to have something else lead you…the Spirit! What I have found is when you’re lead by the Spirit and not your flesh – it’s much easier to remain focused on meeting the needs of your spouse.  As a couple pursues serving Christ together, the joy which the Spirit gives will fill their marriage (Galatians 5:22-23). If God is central in a marriage today, there also will be joy. The sounds simple enough…but there is a deeper meaning.  Most people just simply view joy as joy…but what may not be evident is that in joy, there is strength (Nehemiah 8:10b – And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength)! Our marriages need joy in order to endure, to be strong.  Ultimately, without God, a true and full oneness is not possible.

The last and ultimate reason I wrote this is to also encourage you…it does get easier.  It may not necessarily be year two where you find your flow.  Marriage moves from season to season and I truly believe, achieving one flesh is a daily growth, not something that happens all at once.

So…be encouraged 🙂

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
– Barnett R. Brickner

 

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