Archive for August, 2011

A Growing Marriage Conference

Guess what we’re attending????!!!聽 My sisterfriend, Dara told me about this wonderful conference.聽 A group of young couples in the DC area are all going together! Its with our fave, Dr. Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages).聽 You’re welcome to join us!!

See you there 馃檪

Event Description

Gary Chapman’s A Growing Marriage Seminar is a powerful investment in your marriage. The sessions are filled with lots of humor and practical insight on sound biblical marriage. A Growing Marriage is designed to stimulate strong, healthy marriages鈥攖he foundations of strong, growing churches, and reaching others for Christ.

Five high-energy sessions include topics such as:

路 Communication 101
路 Rekindling Love / The Five Love Languages
路 Initiating Positive Change in a Marriage
路 Making Sex a Mutual Joy
路 How to Share the Things that Bug You

Engaged couples will come away with ideas and insights to prepare them for marriage and enhance other relationships. Married couples will benefit from the insights gained at the seminar that will help them minister more effectively to their mate, family, and friends.

October 8 McLean Bible Church Vienna, VA

One Flesh

Hi all 鈥 I鈥檓 baaaack 馃檪

As you may have read, I started this blog after completing one full year of marriage.聽 As I embarked on year two of martial bliss, I found that this year has been remarkably less 鈥榮trenuous鈥 compared to year one of marriage.聽 Year one, in my humble opinion seemed to be the year where the concept of becoming 鈥渙ne flesh鈥 is actually realized, physically. It moved from being a concept you have heard about in church, into a real tangible process.

The whole process of becoming 鈥渙ne flesh鈥 is a painful one.聽 I mean think about it 鈥 two individual people turning into ONE flesh鈥.exactly HOW is that supposed to occur without it being painful?

In case you鈥檙e not familiar with what I鈥檓 referencing – The term 鈥渙ne flesh鈥 comes from the Genesis account of the creation of Eve. Genesis 2:21-24 describes the process by which God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam鈥檚 side as he slept. Adam recognized that Eve was part of him鈥攖hey were in fact 鈥渙ne flesh.鈥 The term 鈥渙ne flesh鈥 means that just as our bodies are one whole entity and cannot be divided into pieces and still be a whole, so God intended it to be with the marriage relationship. There are no longer two entities (two individuals), but now there is one entity (a married couple).(

Eek! That is some serious stuff. Oh but wait, the article I referenced above goes further and explains: Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way, the couple is to become one. Even as one part of the body cares for the other body parts (the stomach digests food for the body, the brain directs the body for the good of the whole, the hands work for the sake of the body, etc.), so each partner in the marriage is to care for the other.

This makes so much sense as to why year one me and my hubby were like, what the heck is this marriage thing???聽 I mean in theory, it sounds lovely, even romantic to become one flesh.聽 But in practice, taking two people, with different backgrounds, their own various baggage from previous relationships and each person鈥檚 鈥榠deal鈥 of what marriage is, combined with the fact that you鈥檝e been living life as an INDIVIDUAL for 20 or 30 (or more) plus years鈥here is nothing cute, lovely or romantic about making that all 鈥渨ork鈥 as one.

So why am I writing this blog? To let you know how hard it was for me and my husband to become one?? Well鈥es, kinda.聽 I want to tell you what I felt no one told me, candidly.聽 It is hard.聽 It takes work, compromise and it will even be a little painful.聽 I believe that鈥檚 how God intended it, in some form or fashion. I can鈥檛 say it any better than this:

This oneness and desire to benefit each other is not automatic, especially after mankind鈥檚 fall into sin. The man, in Genesis 2:24 (KJV), is told to 鈥渃leave鈥 to his wife. This word has two ideas behind it. One is to be 鈥済lued鈥 to his wife, a picture of how tight the marriage bond is to be. The other aspect is to 鈥減ursue hard after鈥 the wife. This 鈥減ursuing hard after鈥 is to go beyond the courtship leading to marriage, and is to continue throughout the marriage. The fleshly tendency is to 鈥渄o what feels good to me鈥 rather than to consider what will benefit the spouse. And this self-centeredness is the rut that marriages commonly fall into once the 鈥渉oneymoon is over.鈥 Instead of each spouse dwelling upon how his or her own needs are not being met, he or she is to remain focused on meeting the needs of the spouse.

It unnatural for our flesh to want to cooperate with the mandate God places on marriage. So you have to have something else lead you鈥he Spirit! What I have found is when you鈥檙e lead by the Spirit and not your flesh 鈥 it鈥檚 much easier to remain focused on meeting the needs of your spouse.聽 As a couple pursues serving Christ together, the joy which the Spirit gives will fill their marriage (Galatians 5:22-23). If God is central in a marriage today, there also will be joy. The sounds simple enough鈥ut there is a deeper meaning.聽 Most people just simply view joy as joy鈥ut what may not be evident is that in joy, there is strength (Nehemiah 8:10b – And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength)! Our marriages need joy in order to endure, to be strong.聽 Ultimately, without God, a true and full oneness is not possible.

The last and ultimate reason I wrote this is to also encourage you鈥t does get easier.聽 It may not necessarily be year two where you find your flow.聽 Marriage moves from season to season and I truly believe, achieving one flesh is a daily growth, not something that happens all at once.

So鈥e encouraged 馃檪

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
鈥 Barnett R. Brickner