Archive for February, 2009

I’m Obsessed…

…with all things wedding related.  I’m trying to focus on other things that actually mean SOMETHING, but alas…I cannot focus.  Like I seriously need to get back into my study regiment for the LSAT.  I have until June (when I take it) but I need to get into a flow and I want to be finished with all of my on-line classes by April 7th (since that’s when the on-demand classes end). 

I also want to start having Bible Study with my fiance and I want us to pray together more.  We committed last weekend to 15 minutes a day and so far, we’ve done….NOTHING.  We suck. 

I want to organize my workspace and clean my room! I live and work in clutter – documents and hard drives that need to be uploaded to on-line respositories crowd my space….and I have to work with the files also every day, so what’s the point in filing them? My room is filled with shoes, clothes, tax papers, bills, empty shoe boxes and wedding magazines.

AHHHHH! I just want to get things in order – but there’s no time.

Unless I’m just making that up.  I guess I could MAKE time. UGH – I guess I’ll add another 15 minutes of my time in the morning to tidying up and instead of surfing the net during down time @ work, I’ll organize my desk.

and I’ll type of a study schedule – RIGHT NOW, before I go to the gym.

I’ll stop trying to find cute bridesmaids gifts and obsessing over wedding stationary themes.




The Odds Are Stacked

42-17800399I was reading this article on my daily feed of blogs and I was so disheartened by the following statistics:

Forty-two percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21 percent of white women, according to national statistics.

Within the last two generations, marriage rates for African-Americans have dropped significantly. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population.

Information from the U.S. Department of Health and Human services and from the U.S. Census indicate that African-American women are the least likely group to get married in the United States. And if they wed an African-American man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States.


(Sidebar – for those of you who don’t know…that’s an inside joke stemming from a comment made by my cousin when I turned 25 – it means ‘utter confusion and disgust/amazement that anyone would ever think pretzels  are good, because they, in fact, make your mouth dry.’ I know I know, you had to be there, lol)

I’m slightly depressed by these facts and figures – I mean really, is the difference between black women and their counterparts, that drastic? And if we DO happen to achieve the “impossible,” we’re more like to get a divorce??

By no means, do these facts have to become MY reality or any of ours..but sad to say, this is SOMEONE’s reality.  The article attempted to put a positive spin by adding “The first relationships where there’s an upsurge is in the relationships with God, and the relationship with God gets them ready to love somebody,” said Brother George W. Thigpen III of Deliverance Temple Church. “Down the line, that creates marriages and better marriages.”

If there’s any advice I can give to someone who thinks they should get married, are engaged, or in a serious relationship…actually really ANYONE from “single and ready to mingle” to the opposite end of the spectrum…the last quote is true. 

Without God, no matter how loving, sensitive, masculine, beautifully handsome and awesome my Mr. Right is…our relationship would UTTERLY CRUMBLE without God. 

Marriage is sooooo serious.  Do not get caught up in the hype of your friends getting married or planning the wedding or trying to keep up with the Joneses.  You’ll end up chasing a fairytale if you aren’t grounded in God.

The highest ranking female in my division (see the Memorial Service that Changed my life post) gave me some great words the other day in the hallway – she told me, “Erika, in your marriage, YOU make your vow to God and tell your fiance to make his vow to God.  I had a happy, loving, GOOD marriage and there were days I wanted to leave.  But I COULD NOT turn my back on God, I could never leave God, I could never break my promise to God”

I’ve never felt chill bumps down my spine like I did that day. 

I feel as though she told me, so I could tell someone else.  If you never take anything from me, remember this…put God first.  Allow your relationship with him to stand out from the rest so that your marriage (and everything else you put your hands to) will stand out from the rest :)42-17915609

Hair Meltdown…

All women have it…but all black women that are natural?!? We really get it in more ways than one.  To Relax or not to Relax? That is the question….

I’ve been natural every since 2006.  I cut my hair completely off…the BC (Big Chop).2x11105233

I shed an old relationship, my hair insecurities and everything I’ve been taught about hair ALL at the same time and I thought I would never look back! Well, I definitely moved on in the men department (praise God!) but I see myself slightly turning back to the hair thing, LOL….

My current hair has grown and its as long as it was before I cut it.  Here’s  pic of it not straightened:

1639712(Ignore the girl in the pink, LOL)

and its about this long when it’s straightened:


The problem is – I’ve been on a rampage about how my hair is done, saying such bold statements as I will NEVER put chemicals in my hair again to alter it’s natural state of curliness (pump yo fist in the air…now – ha ha).  I’ve inspired a TON of women to go natural…how can I have second thoughts?  I’ve just always envisioned myself having long beautiful straight tresses on my wedding day. 


 I don’t want to feel natural, bohemian, deep or proud on my wedding day, I just want to feel light, airy and beautiful!

I think your hairstyles say a lot about you…your mood, what you believe in, how you’re feeling about yourself, you’re self-esteem, whether you felt like doing it that morning, everything!!  I mean, literally, when I voted for Barack, I PURPOSEFULLY wore my hair in in my curly bush! with my UNITY colored, “MY VOTE COUNTS” tshirt on!  When I’m feeling funky, I’ll rock my fro, wild and crazy! When I’m feeling chill, I’ll straighten my hair and wear it with a headband.  When I’m feeling elegant, I’ll pin it up and curl it.

Here’s the reason why I’m so stressed about it.  Its going to be hot and sticky on my wedding day and its going to be outdoors.  I DO NOT want a baby afro, when my hair decides it wants to soak up the moisture!! I can get my hair VERY straight, if I want to, but it’s a matter of it taking in the humidity and slowly turning back into the afro you see above!


Soo Sooo TORN!

and I don’t know if want to wear braids – I never envisioned myself with micros on my wedding day….


Any suggestions? I’m thinking about pulling it back and then adding hair, so that it looks like its my natural hair and I don’t have to worry about sweating it out, but I need pics! Perhaps something like this?

updos-bundle-of-joy_full or this?



I also thought about relaxing it for that day only, and then doing the BC (again) the very next day….shooooot, i miss my short hair too! LOL



p.s. thanks to all of my facebook/natural buddies, who’ve helped me out with this, this morning!

Self Esteem is like Common Sense…

Its not too much of it going around these days…

Have you ever been in a situation where someone does something that TOTALLY affects only themselves, but the very idea of you watching them demean themselves is enough to make you not want to be associated with them?

Or they act in a manner that so disrespects themselves, that you feel like you don’t really have anything to say to them?

Did strong women go out of style a little while ago? Did respecting yourself get thrown out of the window in our lives? How about conducting yourself with an OUNCE of dignity?

If there are 10 women, I believe that only 2 out of the 10 were taught standards.

And maybe only 1 out of 10 actually practice it.