Archive for January, 2009

Chrisette Michelle had on my wedding dress…in BROWN, lol

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I was watching “An Evening with the Stars” in honor of Patti Labelle last night – while I was…ahem *cough* “studying” for the LSAT.  On the stage – here comes Chrisette in a gown that looked VERY similar to the Maggie Sottero gown I had been oggling for the past couple of weeks.  I was excited to see it on her, because I felt as though people were wondering if I could pull it off, being that I’m plus sized.  Well, Chrisette isn’t exactly my size, but her proportions are VERY similar to mines and she looked BEAUTIFULLY elegant in the gown.  Most of her weight is in her hips, just like me and I was ecstatic at how great she looked.  Of course, I was imagining the outfit in ivory, with my hair GLAMMED up, birdcage veil (I DARE YOU TO STEAL IT!!! I have this time date and STAMPED that I said it Jan. 26, 2008, LOL), romantic flowers on the side and natural make-up.  OH I LIVE(stole that from my favorite blogger – Quincy Jones, lol)!!  Her dress wasn’t quite as fabulous, because it was in brown and it wasn’t a “wedding dress” – just a formal nice dress.  Either way, I’m pumped.  I got the visual and my three favorite dresses are VERY similar to this one and one looks EXACTLY like it.  I guess it’s onto the dress shops to get fitted in March. 

In other news, I’ve been semi mean to the wedding vendors.  My main questions are: How much do you want? When do you want it? And when is the rest of it due? If you can’t answers those – then just get outta my face…now.

I hate this stupid cake/flowers lady that keeps trying to get me to tell her my COMPLETE vision before she will even meet with me. Tell me something, silly lady, if I tell you EVERY thing that I could possibly tell you about my vision and what I want – what exactly will YOU DO?!??!! I’m done with her – she is the weakest florist/link…GOODBYE!

In other financial news (somehow this turned into a finance blog, lol), I’ve been sticking to my budget.  I’m a tad bit excited about that.  I have a lot of extra money in the account – which almost scared me for a second…I thought I hadn’t paid someone!?! That’s so sad… 

And it’s TAX SEASON!!! I can’t WAIT to take advantage of all of the WONDERFUL tax breaks I will receive from being in a home based business.  All of my business trips, plane tickets and everything in between will FINALLY pay off for me 🙂

I’m also filing my fiance’s taxes this year.  This should prove to be a lot of fun, only because he claimed like ZERO this year and has a TON of write -offs! He’s going to be RICH….which means, hopefully, I’ll get a hot date out of it 😉

peeeeeeeace.

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update…

42-17343913here’s the 411 on what’s been up with me.  Sorry, I don’t have a cutesy title or something clever to say. Just blunt with three dots behind it, lol.

I can’t shake the feeling that I’m forgetting something.  I guess this is good at work, because every time I ALMOST forget a random assignment that was haphazardly assigned to me, I remember it, JUST in the nick of time – so I suppose this “feeling” isn’t something I should shake just now.  But either way, it’s making me feel paranoid.

I’m slightly reobsessed with Biggie right now.  Watching the movie Notorious brought back my middle school/early high school love – sneaking, listening to Jr. Mafia.  Then my parents finding the tape and wanting to spank me, then later realizing I was too old to be spanked. Sidebar – that was an exciting time in my life…when I figured out that my parents wouldn’t spank me anymore.  I felt liberated!! I would weigh my options…hmm, is talking back work not talking on the phone for a week? Should I make an A in this class, so that I can earn time off for good behavior?  It was like this new negotiating chip! Punishment vs. Good Deeds – I quickly learned it was just easier to be good, but if I really wanted to do something against the rules, I would just have to suffer with not having the phone for a while…which was tough, but I could handle it 😉 Okay, back to the subject at hand.  So anyways, I bought Faith’s memoirs and the Vibe Biggie Biography that the movie was based on.  Can’t WAIT for them to come, LOL.  Yeah…whatever – don’t.judge.me.

Studying for the LSAT is proving to be good.  With all of these tricks of the trade, I’m sure to boost my score into the 160s.  I’m elated about the possiblities.  I need more time though…I wish I’d started the class in December vs. January.  But you live and you learn…

I want my own apartment – I’ve decided.  I’m too “marriage – minded” to live with two other females at this point in my life.  It’s nice to save money..but I just think I’m ready for my own space, I’m ready to not feel so “transient,” I’m ready for my husband, I’m ready to cook for him and not feel like I owe anyone money, I’m just ready to only worry about mine and his feelings. We only have a 3 years before we want to have kids, so this is our time to be selfish and think about ourselves. I’m ready to just start my life with my soulmate…I never thought I’d feel so frustrated about it all.  It felt good to type it :o)

I want a summer break – don’t you miss those?? I need to be a child again.  Or get a job as a teacher, lol. 

that is all.

Today, I landed in the textbooks…

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…that my children will one day read about.

Today, I was part of the millions, that journalists reported.

I was a singer, on a metro car, with people from all walks of life.

Today, I cried, as I held my fiance’s hand and I saw the first couple share their first dance.

I marched on Washington, but not for civil rights or the Million Man March.

Instead, I stood in confirmation of a dream realized – I watched as a black man took the most sacred oath.

Today, I watched my friends and families, not let cold weather, massive delays or arduous walks damper their spirits.

Today, I was a part of history….President Obama – Thank you.

Work Politics?

42-15546387Do you play them? Are you always trying to make sure you present yourself in the best light? Get good face time and are allowed to work on the projects that will give you the most visibility?

I personally, LOATHE work politics.  They’re senseless to me.  Perhaps because I’m still single (as in not married yet) or because I’m not that “senior” on my job, maybe and have no kids – maybe that’s why the stakes aren’t as high for me? Maybe it’s because I’m planning on going back to school, so I know this isn’t the end all, be all for me?? I don’t know.

But whatever the reason is, I don’t get into it.  Sure, at time we ALL get frustrated with assignments…but if we didn’t, would it be work?? I mean for real. Even if you have a passion for your job, you’re not always going to love any and EVERYTHING associated with it.  And sure, we all want recognition for a job well done and its nice when people acknowledge and appreciate our contributions.

Its crazy – I watch people get worked up over the smallest things.  Kiss up to the supervisor, dog out fellow employees to promote themselves, – all in the name of “making a name” for yourself.  Whatever happened to just doing your job and forgetting the rest?

I personally, take pride in my name and don’t want it attached to foolishness.  So when I do do a good job, it’s not for advancement.  Its because when people think “E dot Pizzle,” I want them to say, WOW – Erika can get this job done because she’s not about the drama.  She comes to work, always has a smile on her face, she flexible and she’s efficient! 

Come to think of it, I think I know the difference between most people and myself.  I believe in a higher power.  I believe that God will give me infinite favor.  I believe that my gifts will make room for me and bring me before GREAT MEN….so I guess ultimately, I believe that God is my source and provider and I don’t have to compromise myself, my integrity or sell out anyone, just to play the game of work politics. 

I guess I just wished all people believed the same.

Is this how it’s going to be??

42-16971213Just a typical day at my Apartment:

My SPBFF is going into business with my sister, so she was over last night meeting with her.  My sweetheart walked out into the living room looking like he was ready to mime – he’d just gotten this new mud mask and he was excited to try it out.  Background:  Many of you don’t know what my big man looks like, but imagine a shirtless, 6.6ft, 315 lb man walk about with a Tahitian grey mud mask on his face!!  My friend was instantly weak with laughter. 

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He sat down beside me , we turned on American Idol and my baby asked me, “So, who do you think is the most successful idol?”

“Hmmmm….I don’t know,” I replied.

“Fantasia?” he asked.

“NOOO..I would say Kelly Clarkson.  No, scratch that, Carrie Underwood, if we’re going to talk about who’s the most relevant now,” I surmise.

Only to be interrupted by my SPBFF – “Yall are like an old married couple….look at you!?”

T and I look at each other like, WHAT? this is what we always do? We laugh, shrug it off and continue our conversation.

Later on, SPBFF leaves and T and I watch Tyra Banks, “Put a Ring on It” episode of her talk show.  I cuddle under him and grab my LSAT book. 

I read, I break, we laugh, we discuss, T says he hates that Beyonce song, I scream at him…we laugh again.

And then, I think to myself, “is this how it’s going to be?”

And I smile, knowing that I made the best decision ever when I told him, “yes!”

Slightly Random and doesn’t really deserve to be appended to the ending here, but whatever:   There are all of these blogs dedicated to “getting married” and “weddings” but there are NONE (at least that I’ve seen) that focus on the bizarre, random things that happened when you’re “almost married, only not really.”  In fact, that is what I’m going to called this whole “engaged” thing.

That is all…..

The Memorial Service that Changed my Life…

Today I went to the Homegoing Service for my Vice President’s husband.  I was dreading it because I simply don’t like death and I think I hate funerals even more.  The whole concept of it just seems dreary and depressing to me.  But I feel as though our Vice President is a formidable woman of strong faith and even though I’ve only known her a short 1 year and a 1/2, I wanted to show my support and pay my respects.  I also felt another “tie” to her family because my sister had established a brief friendship with her daughter, as I informed our VP that she’d just recently graduated from UNC – Chapel Hill and her daughter was a rising freshman, at the time.  We exchanged numbers on their behalf and they went to tea, my sister had helped her figure out campus housing, gave her advice regarding the campus and even introduced her to some friends. Going to the service was a definitely something I fully intended and was going to do.

I enlisted my favorite attorney, aka my Partner in Crime to ride me with to the service.  She too, shared my fear of funerals and we figured there is comfort in numbers. We picked up two other co-workers on the way and we arrive shortly before 10:30am.  What we witnessed, no one in Freddie Mac Legal Division was prepared for.  This man touched, even me, in his death…yet I never knew him. 

Talk about a legacy!

His colleague spoke of fond memories.  One you can’t fake.  Their realness, truth and earnestness were evident in each and every recount.  Everyone reinforced that this man, George, wasn’t just a good man. He was a GREAT man.  I looked at this beautiful family, 10 children, some adopted, yet not one felt slighted.  Many different colors, Jamaican, Ukrainian, Mixed….they all knew in their core that this man, was their father.  6 of the children spoke of him…and you felt their sincerity, you could feel their grief, but most of all, you could see the LOVE and the unwavering FAITH of the family.  One of the moments that touched me most was his daughter, petite in stature, gave his Eulogy. I was speechless.  I would HOPE that I had enough strength to tell someone I loved after they were gone, how much they meant to me.  I don’t know if I could ever be so eloquent, so strong, so broken, yet so composed – as his daughter was this morning.

The main things I took away from this service was – will my life touch people, the way this man’s had, even in death? Will the words of my friends, families and co-workers move complete strangers to tears? Not just tears of compassion, geniune tears, for someone they’d never met before? Someone who valued family, his name, honor, honestly and most of all his FAITH in God – what will people say about me?  How will I have made them feel? 

One of his sons gave a list of promises that he would fulfill, in honor of his father – they were filled with jokes, appreciation of art and beauty, love of family, and to never forget where you come from.  His youngest daughter, perhaps touched me the most. She spoke of her dance at her wedding with her father and how their song was “Because you loved me” by Celine Dion.  I listened to her farewell letter to her father and i listened to the lyrics of the song – I think everyone in the room was so touched.  If the congregation was human, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. 

The thing is, it wasn’t depressing. It was inspirational.  He inspired me to live as he did and achieve more – I want to write my unborn daughters and sons poems, I saw how they gave hope, inspiration and guidance to his baby girl.  I want them to know they’re intelligent, beautiful, handsome, smart and they can be anything they want to be – just because I believe so FIERCELY in them and their potential.  I want my relationship with my husband to mean so much, that he never doubts my love for him and that we’re so rooted in the word of God, that people describe our relationship as 1 Corinthians 13:1-13, personified, in real life. 

Lastly, I want a young girl/guy, who never met me before, but somehow ended up at my memorial service to be so touched, so moved – that through the memories I left with my families and friends, they sit on their bed hours later, reflect on what they heard and are INSPIRED to be the best person they can be.   Just like I was by this great man – that I met today, through the words, laughter, tears, and memories of his beloved children and one of the strongest women I’ve ever met in my life, his wife and my Vice President of General Litigation.

My Vow…

00772000024…to you Ms. Blog is to try and update you at least twice a week. 

I say vow because people make a lot of promises and then back out on them, people make resolutions and quit on them.  But for some reason – vows, its takes a lot to get out of.  Usually people will go through lengths not to go back on vows –  they go to counseling, go to church, learn to forgive, accept some things they didn’t necessarily think would be their reality – just to stay faithful to their vows.

I heard that it also does something to your subconscious mind, by actually stating something is a VOW vs. a mere promise or something you’d like to do.  The subconscious mind responds by the way you react to things, so I’m going to program myself to take my thoughts seriously. 

So often we doubt our ablity to do something great.  How many times have I heard someone say, “I’m going to try to think positive” or “I can do this” or “This year I will accomplish this…” and the MOMENT an obstacle comes in our way, we quit.  We say something negative and negate our entire resolve to be better, to realize our dreams. 

I dare myself to vow.  To make COMMITMENTS…to things I see as reality for me. 

Reprogram my brain to take my future seriously. 

So, in my desire to take my blogging to the next level…I VOW to write at least twice a week.

And I don’t break vows 😉