Current mood: confused

Category: Romance and Relationships

I kept trying to find you…I searched for you everywhere. It wasn’t much I was looking for, just someone who showed that they cared…..
A little bit about me, what I was trying to say, showed appreciation when I listened, was excited that I prayed
For you last night when you were going through something, provided a listening ear, when you felt like venting.
About all of the BS you were going through at work, laughed and agreed when you said your boss was a jerk.
For not understanding that the traffic was bad that day and threatened to write you up, but this time you would receive a warning…at least that day –
I kept searching for you and I knew you weren’t that complicated – just an average guy who called when he stated…showed a bit of something that’s been lacking in all of the others, a powerful thing called follow through – it wasn’t until my adulthood that I realized how important…
It was for someone to call when they said they would, someone to be there when they should, someone to actually set expectation and meet me there…someone to be committed – dang…that’s rare?
You knew I didn’t care if you were struggling to realize that dream your parents deferred, I didn’t care if you looked like Tyrese or Tyson Beckford…if you were struggling to lose that last 20 lbs, I didn’t matter to me…because my attraction, my love for you would be more than skin deep.
I mean, I knew you would love me in spite of all of my flaws…my imperfections, my bad days…
Some say my mouths too big and I say too much how I feel – and my hairs to nappy, my thoughts too real….my hips are too big, my attitude to quirky….my fantasies too grandiose…my reality – too murky.
I figured if could just find you, you’d get it…find my imperfections endearing – my honesty refreshing…but I just couldn’t see where you were…
I mean, I tried to talk to someone who was older – I thought maybe you were with him. Figured he be more mature – know exactly what he was looking for. Found out he was just as immature as the 20-something I dealt with before.
Maybe your with this guy who is completely different that me…polar opposites of the spectrum, I’m A….he’s Z. Guess what they say is true, opposites attract…but they don’t stay together – too much ying and yang, so….hmm, that’s that.
I thought I found you again, this time, he was my friend. But what starts out as friendship, doesn’t sustain was you bring in the L word to the equation.
Finally….I found you, yesterday – it was so unexpected. I couldn’t believe FINALLY – here he is…I closed my eyes – and I realized that I was dreaming. You exist in my mind and you haven’t yet manifested in reality….it’s frustrating that I haven’t been able to see what I know is so real. B/c I know there’s something more to this…something tangible, something factual.
You told me all you wanted to do was to see inside my soul, not get into my clothes
Just get lost inside some conversation about what the future holds
For me and you and it doesn’t matter if I wanted to move slow, it was my mind, my spirit, you were trying to get to know….
You wanted to send me notes in the morning before I headed off to work
Be that person who came through, shoulder to lean on, give support.
You said you wanted to ask me why I did and said the things that I do, understand, listen..know who I was entirely…through and through.
I was amazed when you said you would endure the arguments, the tough times and stay there when things weren’t rosy.
Imagine my shock when you told me what I was asking for wasn’t too much…what I expected didn’t make you back down. The things that attracted you to me were the things that would keep you around…you wouldn’t resent me when I pushed you to higher ground.
That I motivated you to be a better man, that somehow you knew this was a part of God’s perfect plan. You didn’t find my brand of humor goofy or childish….you chuckled when I watched the Disney channel – you encouraged my keyboard wackness…
Inside jokes, pet names, laughter and humor…our love is this type of thing that brings the sunshine out – I can’t believe you see it that same way I do…
I don’t want to open my eyes and see that you aren’t true, right now…I just want to dream about you sweeping me off my feet, not that you might not show up when I’m not sleep.
When I meet you here, in a sea of dreams – everything is possible. I know I can do it on my own, but shoot – its much easier being taken care of inside this dream world, not worrying about let down after let down, not wondering if they’ll finally get it right.
So…for tonight, I won’t worry about the fact that I haven’t seen you on this side of my eyelids…
I’ll just go back to sleep
And let
My dreams reinforce that fact I KNOW you’re real
You just haven’t manifested
Quite yet
Outside of my dreams…
Night.

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