How we’re makin’ it work: Month 1 and 2 :)

Life update One of the main things I’m learning about being married is that merging two lives together is MAJOR.  Coordinating the plans, efforts and lifestyles of two insanely involved people can be overload! Our weekends have been booked for almost a month in advance! Recently we haven’t been able to be at the same events because we’re simply doublebooked.  We’ve also both decided there are some volunteer and church related activities we would “like” to take on.  T wants to get involved with boy scouts, since he went all the way through to Eagle Scout.  I want to go back to school and also volunteer. 

I can only imagine when the kids come what our lives will look like. EEEEEEK!

How are we managing?

Well, first things first, we’ve had to compromise on what activities will get done and who’s activities take priority.  This isn’t as easy as it sounds. For example, this weekend I had an activity planned with the girls and T wanted to go to his hometown and support a friend.  I thought this was one of those things we’re we could both do our own thing.  Not so! It was really important to my husband that I accompany him to his hometown.  I juggled the starting time of the girls activity so that I could do both.  This was a two part solution because I had to listen to T to figure out that he really wanted me to come and was upset that I wasn’t joining him.  Then I had to compromise and figure out that me starting the activity later would please my husband AND I would still get to do what I committed to do.

This avoided…or rather “ended” an argument and alls well in our household.

We also modified our schedule to have “us” time.  I try to cook during the weekends and T helps me out during the week.  He cleans more and we set up a schedule when we will both clean, so our house doesn’t look like a hurricane ran through it.

I changed my work schedule so that we have an extra hour together.  We also leave for work now at the same time, so we get to chitchat about the day in the morning, instead of me hitting snooze and shushing him when he tries to talk to me

We set up “dates” with our friends, we try to include each other and we notify each other well in advance (at least we try to) when there may be a conflict.

And we’re listening to each other’s needs b/c we’re learning that as much as we’re alike….we’re really different in a lot of ways.

Lastly (but really No.1 on this list) we keep God in the center of it all! Church, the teachings, and our relationship with God has been SOOO influential in our lives! We’ve both decided to join the church we attended during our 13 month engagement and 6 month courtship and I cannot be happier!

P.S. Did I mention the passion part?! Oh yeah…there’s a lot of that too! Keeping the spice has been key in keeping us both smiiiiiiiiiiiiling!

Boys’ night, yes…boys’ weekend?!? errr?

Okay, so I’m a bit bummed out that my husband has ALREADY planned a boy’s weekend in April 2010.  That’s right, you heard me a loooooong weekend! 

Now, I know I’m new to this marriage thing, but I consider myself to be a pretty cool wife.  I don’t mind if he hangs out with the boys.  I let him to get the NFL network, play Fantasy Football, play survival football, miss church to play flag football (we started going to Bible Study on Wednesdays, if he ended up missing sunday service for the season)…I make wings for his guys friends and guy family members when they came over, shoot, I even let him call the basement the “man cave” ….sometimes.

But a boy’s weekend? A long weekend? We won’t even be married for a year before this boy’s weekend occurs! They’re talking about going on a cruise! I feel some type of way about it all!

Granted the guys he is going with are good guys.  They’re all in committed relationships, engaged or happily married. So, its not like he’s going on this trip with a bunch of guys I disapprove of.

I guess…dare I say it, my feelings are hurt I didn’t think we were at the point where a “man trip” was needed – we’re newlyweds, for crying out loud! I guess, since I had no urgent desire for a girls trip (maybe after we’ve been married for a year or so), I can’t see the need for a man trip, especially planned so fast.

Perhaps I should pick up my bruised new wife ego and get over it. 

But I am curious – would anyone else’s feelings be slightly hurt? Or am I being overly sensitive?

Oh gosh…I hope I’m not pregnant!

LMBO!

Back to Normal!! :)

Wait…what exactly is normal??

I’m so excited to define normalcy for me and my (wait for it…….) HUSBAND!  The past 13 months of my life have been filled with wedding planning, moving, buying a home, etc. and the last month of my live was filled with….honeymoonin’ (he he he). 

Welp, not that the honeymoon is EVER over, but now that things are settling back in (T STILL doesn’t return to work until NEXT WEEK, but that’s a WHOLE nother gripe I have – OH to be a systems analyst who gets paid to sit on the bench untiil your new project starts…grrrrr!), I’m ready to get my everyday living thing on. 

One thing to keep in mind, T and I only dated 6 months before we were engaged, so we didn’t have much time to enjoy being normal.  Most of our relationship has been HECTIC! And while most people will day this is dangerous (it is, trust me), I’m glad to say we SURVIVED it and we love each other more than we did during the first 6 months of falling in love! So we’re built to last folks – 13 months of crazy and everything’s still in ONE piece.

So  – what am I planning on, since I’m regular again? Well..I just chopped off all of my hair.  I feel right into the PWC (I was plotting on this since I got engaged) syndrome and chopped off all of that blasted hair I was growing out (and weaving into) my scalp.  I feel sassier, lol.  Now I need to get some new clothes. 

I’m also MOST excited for our first Christmas together.  I need to start looking for my first Christmas tree (I never had one when I lived in the apartment – so my only “trees” have been my parents) and figuring out how I’m going to decorate the house!   My 27th birthday is coming up soon – I’m ready to celebrate intimately, since I just celebrated so publicly And I’m planning our house warming…so things are on the up and up!

It’s time to get our benefits straight too – so many “life” things to think about.  We also are looking into insurance policies and stuff to – just trying to get it all in order.  I know this sounds semi boring…but it’s exciting to me.  The humdrum – the regularness…I just cannot WAIT!

That’s all this time

I’m Married!!!!

What can I say….we did it!!!

It was beautiful. 

Behind the scenes was stressful.  

It was one of the hardest things I ever did.

and one of the most rewarding, awesome, completely breathtaking moments ever.

Our friends were amazing. 

Our families were phenomenal.

People prayed for us and God smiled on our day.

Here’s a couple of pictures:

 

Professional Photos 2-7 by ErinMarie Photography (Pictures 1 and 8 done by family friend)

More to come from marriage world as I continue life’s journey as a Mrs. 

Something Old, Something New – something I don’t care about, LOL!

Should I? I mean honestly, when met with the traditional things that a bride should worry about, I found myself shrugging and saying, umm nah – we don’t need all of that.

I don’t wanna wear something old, I will have on something new, nothing borrowed, and perhaps something purple (don’t ask), LOL.  I’m not saving my cake and freezing it.  Then taking it out and eating it on my first anniversary.  Eww…. My baker is baking us a new cake FO FREE on our wedding anniversary (wait till you try his cake, mmm).  I don’t want Champagne flukes with my names engraved on then and we aren’t buying serving utensils – isn’t that what the venue is for?

No, I don’t want 800 BORING traditional formals – I want fun, photojournalistic pics

I guess I’m not the typical average bride…Not getting married in a church, but outside on a lake (with a gazillion of my church members there, lol); my minister has dreadlocks down his back and is wearing an African outfit instead of a robe….and my guys are wearing chocolate – not black tuxes.

I have 3 flower girls instead of 1 or 2….

and I liiiiiiiiiiike it!

EEEK!!!!!!! I’m getting married on Saturday!

I cannot waaaaaaaaaaaaaait!

Home streeeeeeeetch….

okay, even I’m tired of talking about this wedding.  Honestly I’m just ready to live my life, with my husband. I wanna buy furniture and paint and live and be an adult.

We have less than 26 days days until the big day…its coming, it’s inevitable, so I guess…I could write about it. 

Today was sorta frustrating.  I’ve learned that people find it impossible to merely follow directions.  I think my “ZillaTude” came when I checked the mail and I had a mailed RSVP in it.  SERIOUSLY?!?  No. 1, we explicitly wrote on our website, our RSVP cards and in an insert that you had to call in your RSVP…did you REALLY mail that joker in?! We didn’t even include envelopes or stamps so people would get the hint and see it wasn’t your average RSVP process.

We’re having a brunch reception immediately following and then an after party/post wedding celebration later on that night.  People are repeatedly asking us if we’re having our wedding at 11am and then our reception at 8pm  – when the invite CLEARLY states there is a reception IMMEDIATELY following the wedding! Reading is FUNDAMENTAL!

Normally, these types of things wouldn’t bother me in regular life…but when you have 300 plus grown adults asking you these questions – around question 250 – you start to pull your hair out and go into CHOKESLAM MODE!!!

Another random rant – I’m not sure if people have any idea how much a wedding costs and your RSVP is CONTINGENT on the costs…meaning you have to tell me if you’re coming, so that I can properly assess your cost.   I mean, when you invite folks, you are spending a GRIP to have them be a part of your special day…rehearsal dinner, regular dinner, after party food, cake, favors, gifts – we’re spending a TON of money on folks.

SO…the ZILLA moments are on the increase. 

Part of me cannot WAIT until this whole thing is over…when I can go back to just being Erika and Terence When we can start building our lives together…when people don’t come up to us and say, “yall are coming into the home stretch huh? Just _____ days left! how are you feeling!?!?”

the answer…CRAZY! lol

If you’re reading this and you haven’t gotten married yet, LISTEN to my words – ELOPE!!! or have a Destination wedding!!!

If I had it to do all over again…I would do it.

One thought that gives my comfort – one day…it will be yoooooooooooooooooou LOL

I bid thee farewell….Hopefully I’ll return less Zilla-ish and more Zen-like

lackoffocuschangeindirection

I had big dreams of what I would accomplish on the educational front for myself this year.  I ambitiously vowed to take the LSATs, while simultaneously planning for my wedding in the “not so busy” months.  Of course, as you can see, my life has been completely inundated with planning for and buying the house and planning for this wedding.  I’ve immersed myself in all details wedding and all things marriage that I haven’t been about to begin to see outside of anything that does not have to do with that!

I’ve even begun thinking about children! HUH!??! Where did that come from? And WHAT happened to the 2-3 year plan?! I asked myself. 

Personally, I blame the neighborhood, filled with 20-30 something young African American couples who have recently married and 1/2 of which push strollers and cute toy dogs around the neighborhood as the sun is setting. 

And I wonder if they have the key? And am I on this career path that will eventually pull me away from all of the important things in life? I have to honestly ask myself what really makes me happy….and where do I want to spend my hours at the end of the long work day? Putting in MORE hours of OT (even though I’m salaried) or at home, with my large handsome sweet soon to be husband, our future dog, and our not yet conceived children?

The thought of it all scares me actually…so much so that after the flurry has died down, I’m going to sit with myself and think about where I REALLY want to go in life and where is God leading me. 

Wondering if this is all a phase…that I’m just caught up in my new family and these feelings will pass…

Or maybe I’m in a new state of marriage thinking that has brought out something in me that I never knew existed….

We’ll see.

Stay tuned

WE CLOSED ON OUR FIRST HOME YESTERDAY!!!!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!! WOW…where do I begin?

First of all, let me start out with this.  I told the Lord that if he blessed T and I with this house to begin our lives together, that WE would forever give HIM the glory, praise and the honor.  Because I know that this awesome feat was not by our might or power, but by HIS spirit, sayeth the Lord

Our journey started right when we returned from Jamaica for a friend’s wedding.  We saw these new homes that we envisioned ourselves in.  We were all set on renting an apartment, until one of my co-workers, I like to call Momma Jackie, told me that we should be in these homes!  She encouraged us to apply for them b/c in her words, “T is too big of a man to be in a little apartment!”  I was also encouraged, ever since the DAY we got engaged to purchase a house by my VP and to take advantage of this market.

We thought, we have nothing to lose! If we get approved, great, let’s move forward – if not, we’ll start our lives elsewhere and save up. We applied and got pre-approved! The loan officer said that, “we were MORE than qualified!”

My heart lept – we were going to be homeowners! Terence and I filled out the purchase agreement/contract, we paid 2% to take the house off the market and our journey began.

But it wasn’t an easy journey.  We pulled the requested documentation together and sent it off to the loan processor and our loan went into underwriting.  I was kinda nervous about this whole process, but the loan officer ASSURED me, that we were more than qualified and that everything would go smoothly….

Until our tax transcripts came back! To make a long story short, my fiancé and I are in a home based business, where we have over 408 LEGITIMATE tax write-offs, including but not limited to, training costs, travel associated with the business, mileage, etc.  Because we’d taken a business “loss” with our write-offs, our adjusted gross income (some new law that was supposedly enacted in April) was no longer high enough to be qualified anymore!

Talk about heartbreaking….I literally crumbled, I have to say.  I thought to myself, why did we get ALL of the way here for God to allow this to happen?? Then I heard a song on my heart, based off a scripture, “He did NOT bring us out THIS far, to take us BACK again! He brought us OUT to take us INTO the PROMISED LAND!”  T ministered to me, as I cried and we prayed about this together.  T prayed that we were walking on faith, that we would get this house.  Everyone around me prayed, my friends prayed, my parents prayed, elders at my home church in Richmond prayed, even extended friends of friends prayed intercessory prayers for our house.

The very next day, we called Bank of America to start the loan process with them.  We explained what happened earlier and the loan processor advised that, unless our home based business was our primary income, they do not pull adjusted gross incomes or factor in tax returns and business losses from home based business and that they would verify our W-2s and keep it moving.  We were pre-approved in a matter of minutes, over the phone.

Bank of America sent us our loan application around the end of June 2009 and we filled it out.  Before we mailed off the loan documents, my sister and I prayed over them. We recited God’s promises to T and I, found in Malachi 3:10 - Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.  We stood on the fact that we’d submitted ourselves (spiritually, physically and FINANCIALLY) to Christ and he promised us in his word in Matthew 6:33 that we should:  seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

We also submitted our pre-approval to our seller, who advised us, after a bit of debate, that they would still pay our closing costs (approx. $15,000 worth of costs)!!!!

I will be honest, I wasn’t as concerned about the closing costs, initially, I just wanted the house – but praise God for sending me such a faith-filled future mate – the whole time T NEVER faltered in believing that we should have to pay NONE of the closing costs.  And God honored his request!

T and I REJOICED in the good news.

Additionally, my job advised me that after filling out the application for their home benefit program, we were pre-approved for the remaining amount of downpayment as part of their benefit to first time homebuyers!! PRAISE THE LORD! That means, at the time of closing, we would owe NOTHING!!

We begin to stand on faith.  We went to church that Sunday at Jericho City of Praise and celebrated as the vision was fulfilled to build Jericho’s Active Senior Citizen Facility.  During the message – they said God is no respecter of persons, and what he did for Jericho – he will do for US! Immediately after church, T and I applied the word! We went to our property, took our shoes off and walked around – thanking God for our house and laying claim to what he had for us!

I walked around my house and vividly pictured myself in it. There was some anxiousness in my heart, but I was standing on the Word of God, waiting for its fulfillment.

SN:  during this whole time, our loan was not in underwriting yet….just waiting to go to underwriting, so we’d yet to get our final approval!  We didn’t go to underwriting until July 20^th.

As I was standing, I began to immerse myself in MORE word to stand on.  I got a word from my co-worker and VP about faith:

Faith is substance

Posted: 02 Jul 2009 02:00 AM PDT

I like the old King James translation of Hebrews 11:1:

 

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

 

Faith is not an abstract theoretical proposition.  It’s not wishful thinking.  It’s substance.  It’s action.

Most of my life I imagined faith as some kind of force field.  And the way we talk about faith dematerializes it.  By most definitions, faith is synonymous with hope.

The more I study Scripture, the more I detect a sharp distinction between hope and faith.  Hope is a desire. Faith is a demonstration. Hope wants it to happen. Faith causes it to happen and acts as if it’s already done.

Faith is not content to want it really, really bad.  Faith consults the drawings and gets busy building.  Hope is the blueprint.  Faith is the contractor.

Some of the things we’re believing God for will never happen in our lives because we stand in hope instead of walking in faith.

I knew from that, that I HAD to take my faith to another LEVEL! I was just hoping and believing – I put a little bit of action to it, but now it was time to WALK in faith!  T and I began to furnish our home.  We bought things for delivery for our kitchen, our den and our future bedroom.  We gave them the delivery address of our new house and had the delivery schedule for the first weekend in August, after we closed!  I WROTE THIS VERY BLOG, BEFORE WE GOT APPROVED! I changed one of my passwords to “NewHouseJuly” so that I had to remind myself everyday (not exactly that password, I can’t have yall hacking my stuff, lol – but it was close enough)!!  While addressing my return labels for our wedding invitations, I put our NEW address on there, in beautiful script and had them printed.  THIS IS OUR HOUSE - we proclaimed!  We got all of the utilities transferred into our names.  We made plans and moved forward on everything concerning our house – WALKING in faith, instead of just “hoping things would come around.” 

As we moved into the month of JULY and I thought to myself, here is the time for good news! July is the 7^th month and 7 is God’s perfect number of COMPLETION.  The year is 2009 – 9 means MANISFESTATION.  So I thought, how perfect for us to close on 07/09 – where we will have COMPLETE MANISFESTATION of our vision that God gave us. 

I also began to read the prayer of Jabez:

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers; and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, “Because I born him in pain.” Jabez called upon the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!” And God granted what he asked.

and I prayed it….now then began to THANK GOD for it coming to pass….

Then we WAITED….FOR APPROX. A WHOLE MONTH…

and on 07/24/09 we heard the news that we were approved! It took OVER a month to finally hear those words and get that coveted MORTGAGE COMMITMENT LETTER!!! We even got a nasty call from the seller saying, if they don’t have it asap (earlier that day) then we would be in seriously jeopardy of losing the contract! It seemed like we had soo many obstacles against us, yet we pressed on! And FINALLY WE WERE APPROVED AND COMPLETELY THROUGH UNDERWRITING!!!!

I write this to encourage you – just b/c you hear a NO the first time (or the 2^nd or the 3^rd time) you attempt to do something, does NOT mean God doesn’t have it for you! Press on – fight the good fight of faith.  In everything, delight yourself in the Lord and he WILL give you the desires of your heart! 

It wasn’t an easy task…in fact it was HARD.  I had to literally get on the phone and BEG people to do their jobs.  I couldn’t take no for an answer… it was our first time doing any of this and at times we were completely LOST as far as next steps sometimes! But God…he showed us the way and navigated that thing until the VERY end! It was up until the last minute – we even pushed closing back one day…but it was DONE!

T and I are blessed so that we can be a blessing! We plan on honoring the Lord with what he has given us.  The first way is by giving this testimony.  The word says, we overcome by the words of our testimony.  I hope that you are encouraged and always remember to give God the glory – he’s showcasing you, so the world can see that he is TRULY GOD -honor him in what he does for you, so that he may receive all of the glory, honor and praise

In addition to thanking God, I really want to thank some angels that God sent to us to stand and greatly ENCOURAGED us during our walk of faith:

Momma Jackie for CONSTANTLY encouraging us and showing us what the Lord had for us!

Hyacinth for planting the seed!

 My baby sister & roommate, Racine for praying with me and standing with me during the loan application process and repeating those encouraging words we heard during service! For walking in FAITH with my at my new home and claiming it was ours! Even planning on where she would stay (she clearly was acting as though it had already happened, huh?)

Tiffany aka Ferg for rejoicing for us harder than you rejoiced for yourself.  For praying and telling your friends to pray and standing even when I was sad about the initial upset before the breakthrough came!

 Halleluya for listening after I we found out the bad news about the first lender.  I’m not sure how we ended up talking about it, b/c I was determined to keep it to myself – but God has a bigger plan! Thanks for encouraging, sending me scriptures and keeping me encouraged when I bumped my head and forgot to encourage myself! You’re prayers and scriptures were LITERALLY a GODSEND during one of my most difficult hours. Words will NEVER express my gratitude for helping me get over the hump.

Janelle for saying, it will come, you will close – regardless of the exact day, its coming.

Dara for sending a word of prayer via email on the day I felt like closing wasn’t going to happen at all.

My parents and Elders Thomas for stopping in the middle of the night when we first heard the bad news about the lendor and praying in front of a hotel together for T and I after a noni meeting!

The WONDERFUL ministry of Pastor Joel Peebles…who literally walked us through EVERY PHASE OF THE TEST – even up until this past Sunday when he declared that the TEST WAS OVER!!!  Thank you for allowing God to use you and for literally guiding Terence and I through this test!! It seems like whatever you are preaching about, you’re preaching DIRECTLY to Terence and I! What a great, anointed man of God!

All of my friends and family who offered encouraging words.

Every single person – even our seller who spoke the very encouraging words, “It will work out, it’s coming.” 

If I forgot your name, charge it to my head, not my heart!

And Lastly – Terence….you are a the man God meant for me.  You are SO strong and so  filled with faith, it amazes me! You encouraged me to lean on the word of God and inspired me to have the same childlike faith, even when we both didn’t see a way out.  I’m amazed that God chose me to spend this life with you and I cannot wait for MORE testimonies we will share together.  One can put 1,000 to flight, but TWO can put 10,000! I can’t wait to spend the rest of my days with you!!!  Love you!

THANK YOU LORD!!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR THE WONDERFUL THINGS HE HAS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got a HOUSE now…heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!

More pics on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2317418&id=7819045&l=11169be2e8

 

Us @ closing

Wedding Hair Update

I’ve decided to to it.  I was scared…mostly of your reactions.  But at this point, I remembered something – this day is about me and what makes me happy.

Before I reveal “it” – lemme share my fears…I thought you all would say I was shallow, that I was a hypocrite or that I wasn’t creative. That I didn’t stand by my committment or that I didn’t think I was beautiful the way God made me.

I’m scared that you all will say (and some of you have said) that I inspired you to be the way you are, so if I go back to the “way I used to be,” I will have let you down…

 

BUT as much as I’m scared of you people (LOL), I don’t wanna live my life regretting that I made a decision about how I will remember my wedding b/c of fear of what others may think.

SO…I’m getting a RELAXER for the big day.  I know, the SHOCK, the HORROR!!! But I’ve always dreamed of having long beautiful locks….and therefore….I’ma have em!

WITH extensions! LOL.  Before you get your panties in a bunch, I’ve tried ALL options….I’ve worn my hair straight this summer and I have gotten my roots PRETTY DARN STRAIGHT! (See below)

 

And I thought to myself – HEY, I can do THIS for my wedding day!  Shortly there after, I went to a wedding ( the air conditioning)for a friend of T’s.  At the reception, I jammed out a bit, but not too much.  You know, the occasional cha cha side and the cupid shuffle.

Literally, after TWO dances, my hair – INSIDE, IN THE AIR CONDITIONED VENUE, merely have a good time – TURNED BACK INTO AN AFRO!!! Well, actually it was sorta like a 1/2 afro, 1/2 straightened curl on the end.  My hairstyle was ruined, but I was glad…at least this wasn’t MY wedding.

I could only imagine, getting my hair perfectly straight, adding some extensions for volume..and then I would get nervous (I mean, hey, it IS my wedding day) and sweat just a little bit.  Then I would walk OUTSIDE where my wedding and reception will take place (no AC), and the September humidity would have a FIELD day in my hair! Before we said, I DO, my hair would be an afro, with perfecly curled extenions hanging out.  And God forbid, I cut a rug at my reception – Welcome to 1970!!!

Umm, no thank you!! LOL.

and before you suggest braids, a wig, a full weave in my hair or even wearing my afro – I’m going to shut you down.  I don’t like it for myself and I never envisioned that for my wedding day.  So while they’re perfectly viable exceptions for someone else – they won’t work for me

So….in other breaking news.  I actually put the relaxer in this past Sunday.  Lemme just say, they are the devil!! The very reason why I put it in so early, was to give my hair time to adjust! I’ve been natural for almost 4 years, so my hair went into SHOCK when I applied those crack chemicals into beautiful virgin hair.  I got three massive burn marks on my scalp (and I used to always apply my own relaxers and my friends, back in the day, so I KNOW what I’m doing, lol) and my hair looked a bit thinner the first day.

However, I’ve already gotten it to a nice healthy glow and have added rollers for volume.  So it’s doing it’s thing. I’ve been getting a ton of compliments on my “straightening” job this time…I haven’t had the nerve to break it to some people yet LOL

The big question is how do I feel…

I feel regular.  That sorta sucks.  I feel Pretty…..Pretty Plain, LOL.  Honestly my fro made me stand out instantly in a crowd (even in DC, the land of the naturals).  I do miss that “OOOOHHHH GIRL, I LOVE YOUR HAIR,” thing I used to have going. 

At the same token, yall know me – I get BORED of hairstyles….QUICKLY. So committing to this natural for almost 4 years was a BIT much for me.  Soooo, it does feel awesome to have different hair I’m excited to experiment with new medium length styles and really taking care of my hair with deep conditioners, etc. to get it ready for September 26, 2009

I’m also anticipating the PWC – POST WEDDING CHOP!!! I cannot WAIT to go short again..some sexy short sassy style, to cement my “maturity” but express my fun side.

Until then…

Nightmares!!!

I keep having these reoccurring dreams…over and over.  Each time the theme is similar but the subject matter will change slightly, depending on the night.

I wouldn’t even call them dreams – they’re more like NIGHTMARES!

I have them about once a week.

And they’re all about this BLASTED WEDDING!

The latest one I had, I didn’t order my wedding dress accessories and I didn’t get a chance to get my dress fitted.  Only later, in the dream, I realized that I hadn’t even RECEIVED my dress.  Somehow I woke up the morning of my wedding I was like, “Darn, my bridal boutique didn’t call me!” AND THE WEDDINGS IN LESS THAN TWO HOURS! In fact, my dress has never been tailored?!?! Oh darn, now I have to wear my reception dress the whole day..but wait – I didn’t get that cleaned…so its going to have this faint red pin mark (which of course in my dream is about the size of a 3 inch red lipstick mark)!

and OH YEAH, I don’t have time to get my hair done, so I will have to do it myself!

RIDICULOUS, huh?

the sad part is, every morning I wake up on the verge of tears….panicked and feeling as though I need to get up and RUN and do something….

then about 5 seconds later, I realize it’s a dream and I laugh an uncertain, am I sure this was a dream? wait a minute, it’s gotta be a dream, it’s only July, my wedding is approx 3 months away, calm down girl – sorta laugh…

UGH!!!!!

Gone too soon…

Michael,

Words cannot express what you’ve meant to me over the years.  I’ve had some of my FONDEST childhood memories because of you, your family, your legacy and most of all, you’re music.

Gosh…the MUSIC. 

the music!

the music that I had choreographed  a routine to at 3 years old.  I would jam to your music, climb up on the couch arm and JUMP down (the jump was the climax)! And I would do it over and over and over again…

the music…

I wanted to see Thriller so bad, that even when my parents forbid me of seeing it (they said it was soo scary) I snuck over my friends house and watched the whole thing. AND I WAS SO SCARED! I had so many nightmares that Michael was going to come down the attic stairs and “get me” – but I never stopped listening and watching!

the music – do you remember?? when we fell in love? I was young and innocent then…

I remixed songs with my friends – we turned riding into the non-air conditioned church van into a “Rock with you” mix!

“feel that heat…cuz we’re ridin’ in the CHURCH van!”

I remember learning harmonies, to You are not aloooooone…last night it came on the radio while I was driving and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

I became obsessed….in 1992 when the “Jackson 5: the American Dream” came out, I was hooked! I watched it over and over again.  Every time it was aired…

so much so that I found an old VH-S and I recorded it.  This morning…I knew the first thing I had to do was buy that movie – DVD of course it is 2009.

Mike, I almost forgot, how we stayed up to watch the premiere of all of your videos – remember Scream was the Most Expensive video to date? I remember wanted to get my hair braided like the girls from Remember the Tme…

I grew up with your music and I feel as though I’ve lost part of the soundtrack of my life.

Thank you for the memories and I don’t know if we could ever thank you enough for you sacrificing your childhood, so that we could be entertained…

I love you Michael and I will NEVER forget you

or

the MUSIC!

let me encourage you!

have you ever had something go to terribly RIGHT in your life and while you SHOULD be rejoicing in the thing that’s right, something will suddenly knock you upside your head and make you FORGET what God just brought you out of??!!

you find something else to worry about, stress about or panic about??

well – LET ME ENCOURAGE YOU – I’ve been there….today, in fact! And I want to let you know that this is nothing but a test.  God has NOT forgotten about you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  In fact, you should look at this test an a opportunity for testimony!

because without a test – there can never be a testimony.  I want to encourage you that God will never give you more than you can bear and he’s only allowing you to go to this so that he can ultimately get the glory out of the situation.  He remembers his promise to you – just change your position and your perspective – that same mountain that looks HUGE from the bottom, feels like a hill once you look at it from up top!

A good friend told me today 

 

God does not put us in situations unless he is trying to teach us something, or just to test our faith in him and trust that he will bring you out of anything! Let’s relish in the FACT that no situation is a permanent one regardless of how difficult or long it may seem…

AMEN!!! Be encouraged!

He did NOT bring you out to take you back! He brought you OUT to take you IN!

YESSSS!!!!! God is soo good! (whew, I needed that – sooo I figured someone else may too)

Love ya!

E

Growing Up? Maturing? Or Something Else?

I’ve been having conversations with myself (scary, huh?), friends, my significant other and co-workers…and I wonder, should aging bring about a change in your behavior?

Are there some things that were acceptable, maybe even one short year ago, that isn’t acceptable today?

Or what about a change in status?

I guess what I mean is  – is it okay to do somethings after age…say, 25? Or regardless of age, should things change after you get married? Have children?

My fiance and his buddy were having a discussion about building a bar in the basement of our first home and my first thought was UGH – boys drinking in my house??! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK NO!  Didn’t we grow outta that? We are NOT on the football team, in the middle of campus, drinking Boone’s Farm or a 40! We’re about to be ADULTS, MARRIED, in our HOME where we will raise kids one day! There will be NO BAR, or MINI FRIDGE to keep the bruski’s cold!

Later, they semi convinced me that that bar would be classy and include a wine rack/chiller.  Suddenly, it didn’t sound so crude.  It was acceptable to have a wine cellar in our home…but not a disgusting bar, filled with BEER.

But my reaction made me think about other things – like is it okay to go to the club, after a certain age? When you’re married? Or shouldn’t you be OVER that stuff @ some point? I mean REALLY – should you desire to go to those places?

Don’t get me wrong, growing up doesn’t mean you don’t have fun anymore…but your fun matures. You go to good concerts, great restaurants, wine festivals, lounges that play awesome jazz, spoken word forums, and amusement parks when the kiddies come (or maybe even before they come, like I do, lol). 

I don’t know…I’m at a loss.  I don’t wanna become some old foogie, who has lost all sense of adventure, fun and youth – but part of me, SERIOUSLY believes, some things should be left in the past!

Am I alone?

I am grateful…

for love….not that fake stuff.  REAL LOVE

1 Corinthians 13 (Amplified Bible)

 

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such ^[a]as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

    ²And if I have prophetic powers (^[b]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).

    ³Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or ^[c] in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing.

    ⁴Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

    ⁵It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

    ⁶It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

    ⁷Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

    ⁸Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (^[d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

    ⁹For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).

    ¹⁰But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).

    ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.

    ¹²For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as ^[e]in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand ^[f]fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been ^[g]fully and clearly known and understood [^[h]by God].

    ¹³And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.

You can take your opinions…and STUFF ‘em! :)

Sorry guys – but I gotta go on a little rant. 

I’m a respectful person…I feel as though, while you may do something that I don’t necessarily agree with in life – we’re all coming from different places and I respect your right to do something the way you choose to do it.  PARTICULARLY with weddings….

Everyone is coming from various financial places and will tie the knot the way they deem best for their respective situations. 

So…with that being said – I’m OVER people giving their opinions about my wedding.  My fiance and I know how much $$ we make.  We are very aware of our budgets.  We know how much our parents are contributing and while they are giving us a lot of money, their contributions will only amount to approximately 1/4th of our total wedding costs. 

That means we are taking on 3/4ths of the costs.  We are responsible adults.  There are some things that are important to us, like letting our friends and family have a great time.  Its not our fault that we have over 400 close family and friends….just b/c you have less, doesn’t make you better or “wiser” than we are.  Its just the way things are.

Please stop telling us not to do it too “big” – we are big people!!!  We like to laugh, eat and be merry!!! 

 And we like to do it with everyone we love.

You gotta a problem wit that?!?

Yeah…that’s what I THOUGHT!  **bucks at the big mouth losers and walks away with the swole shoulder action**

 

RANT!